Who are the Fashion Police?

The Fashion Police Department is an international organization designed to stop and punish the perpetrators of crimes against fashion. Every year, thousands of people are affected by poor fashion choices, and many don't even know about it. With the help of community leaders and governmental officials, the Fashion Police work hard everyday to stop the spread of maliciously unfashionable activity.

What Laws Do the Fashion Police Enforce?

Fashion Police are known to be fair and courteous individuals, and we follow a strict guidebook. This guidebook contains the basic laws of fashion:

  1. No article of clothing covering primarily the torso of the upper body which has a collar about the neck hole may be buttoned, zipped, laced, or otherwise closed in such a way as to cause the non-overhanging portions of the neck collar to become completely joined to each other along the entire length of the non-overhanging section of the collar, defined by the cross-sections of the non-overhanging portions of the collar all being (approximately) closed elliptical shapes, unless the portions of the non-overhanging collar which should be so conjoined are duly covered with a tie, bow-tie, scarf, or other similar neck-wear. (So-called omni-buttoning: buttoning or zipping a collared shirt all the way up without a tie or scarf)

These rules are updated frequently, to accommodate new trends. Nevertheless, the populace must follow these rules at all times, making sure not to break them. If they do, they will face consequences from the Fashion Police.

Why Aren't There More Fashion Laws?

The purpose of the Fashion Police is not to push the upper bounds of fashion, but rather to pull up the rear end. The Laws of Fashion are designed to prohibit only the worst offenders of sensibility.

How Do You Feel About the so-called "Department for Button Equality" and its associated organizations?

Buttonthatpolo.weebly.com and the Department for Button Equality are, quite frankly, ridiculous movements which have absolutely no merit. They are organizations that openly support the breaking of a law of fashion, which is a severe criminal offense and will be fully prosecuted under the Fashion Executive Orders One and Two. Though the organization claim to be independent of each other, they both have the same leader and the same goal: to spur utter chaos in the worlds of fashion. The Fashion Police certainly believe that the laws of fashion must change with the modern-day consensus, but the time of the button is not any time soon. Polo shirts, along with all other collared shirts, are meant to be worn with the top button unbuttoned when there is no tie. It simply looks better this way, and that is the general consensus of the public and of their governing bodies. Simply look up "polo shirt" and you will plainly see that the preferred method of wearing is with the top button undone. Additionally, while they claim that they are with the times, one of the reasons they cite for disapproving of the unbuttoning of the top button is the notion that that area of the chest is something to be hidden and ashamed of, a very hypocritical remark indeed. While these criminal organizations publicly support allowing people the choice between omnibutting (a crime) and not, they privately support only the criminal way. Don't be fooled by their malicious tactics; they begin with reasonable arguments which evolve into twisted, despicable ones. They also have released an image which seems to imply that the Commissioner of the Fashion Police has supported their opinion; in reality, this is just a screenshot of a message sent by an account meant to mimic that of the commissioner. Don't fall into the traps of the Department of Button Equality.

What Can the Fashion Police Do?

Until the Fashion Police Act of 3498 is enacted, the FPD's power is limited by the scope of current federal, state, and local laws. However, strongly worded warnings may be issued at any time to any member of the public that is caught breaking the Guidebook. 

It is also important to note that if you are arrested by the Fashion Police, you have certain rights. All Fashion Police Officers must give the following notification of rights upon arrest required by the Supreme Court case Milanda v. Alizona:
"You have the right to remain fashionable. If you choose to give up this right, anything you wear can and will be used against you in a court of fashion. You do not have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will not be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you, you horribly dressed bum?"

The Milanda warning is extremely integral in fulfilling the principles of the Fashion Police; anyone who is arrested must understand their rights so that they can receive due process. 

How Can I Support the Fashion Police?

At the Fashion Police Academy, you may take the Fashion Police Assessment on the basic principles of Fashion Policing. This is the only avenue for becoming a Fashion Police Officer. We strongly encourage you to join the force.

Whether or not you are a member of the Fashion Police, we strongly encourage you to spread our message. Consider printing out some of our promotional materials below for you to distribute. As the owners of the rights to this intellectual property, we hereby grant a non-transferable license to anyone who wishes to use them under the following terms:
  • The licensees are not and have never been a founder of, a member of, or associated in any way with organizations which seek to undermine the Laws of Fashion, in particular the Department for Button Equality and https://buttonthatpolo.weebly.com/
  • The licensees have not have encouraged at large the breaking of the Laws of Fashion or the purpose of the Fashion Police. The licensees may use these materials if they have previously been a fashion criminal, so long as they were not the successful instigators of others to do the same.
  • The licensees may not modify the materials in substantive ways.
  • The materials may not be used to undermine the purpose or reputation of the Fashion Police.
By downloading any of the materials hereafter listed, you agree to the above license for their use.

Fashion Police Kids

At the Fashion Police, we believe that children are the future—the future to upholding the Laws of Fashion. We've created a fun game for the kids (or the whole family) to play to get them excited in the joys of the Fashion Police.

Pretend that these are the three buttons on a polo shirt. Click the button which should not be buttoned unless the person wearing the shirt is also wearing a tie.

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